These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and
are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying
calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
____________________
ATTORNEY:
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY:
And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY:
You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________
ATTORNEY:
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
____________________
ATTORNEY:
Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_____________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS :
Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
_____________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_____________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_____________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY:
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Keep_Mailing" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to keep_mailing+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com.
To post to this group, send email to keep_mailing@googlegroups.com.
Visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/keep_mailing.
To view this discussion on the web visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/keep_mailing/CAGLz4tAzyHEcRd8NOEKaP26%3DSgjCV_iMV8BGzQu7_ZMMUYUjqA%40mail.gmail.com.
For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.
No comments:
Post a Comment