[ ::: ♥Keep_Mailing♥ ::: ]™ AN ACTUAL PERSONAL AD

DO READ TILL END

THIS IS AN ACTUAL PERSONAL AD FROM THE

 "SAVANNAH TRIBUNE" NEWSPAPER PLACED IN DECEMBER 2009.......

AN ACTUAL PERSONAL AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me In Downtown Savannah  night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.  E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded 

that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,

 threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and

 earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this

 rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to

 actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. 

The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. 

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for 

my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. 

Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when 

pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from 

with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking 

bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me.

 [That prevented you from calling or running to your 

buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, 

I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up

 my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card.

 The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, 

along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... 

after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. 

Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a 

little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get

 in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, 

while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat 

(I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you . but I feel this type of

 retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime..

 I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate

 pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect

 upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.

 Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

        I probably don't have to ask you to forward this one.

When I talk to myself, 

it is because I only talk to intelligent people.  

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