[ ::: ♥Keep_Mailing♥ ::: ]™ A FEW GROANERS

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  A few groaners - some old, some not so much
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 A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life
 finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a
 list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.  As the doctor
 was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a
 prescription for birth control pills.  "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are
 birth control pills?"  "Yes, they help me sleep at night."  "Mrs. Smith, I
 assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you
 sleep!"  She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes,
 dear, I know that.  But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the
 glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks.  And believe
 me it definitely helps me sleep at night."  You gotta love Grandmas!
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 A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous
 woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.  The baby wouldn't take
 it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to
 this nice man next to us."  Five minutes later the baby was still not
 feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey.  Take it or I'll give it to this nice
 man here."  A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid.
 Make up your mind!  I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
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 Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.  

The last question was, 

'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.'  

The question was worth 70 points or none at all.  

One student was hard put to think of seven advantages.  

He wrote:
 1)  It is perfect formula for the child.
 2)  It provides immunity against several diseases.
 3)  It is always the right temperature.
 4)  It is inexpensive.
 5)  It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
 6)  It is always available as needed.
 And then the student was stuck.  

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang 

indicating the end of the test he wrote:
 7)  It comes in two attractive containers and

 it's high enough off the ground where the

 cat can't get it.  He got an A.
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 An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying.  He calls his grandson to his
 bedside.  "Guido, I wan' you lissina me.  

I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so 

you will always remember me."  

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.  How about you

 leave me your Rolex watch instead?"  

"You lissina me, boy!  Somma day you gonna be runna

 da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, 

a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.
 Then one-a day you gonna come at home and maybe

 finda you wife inna bed withanother man.  

Whatta you gonna do then?  Pointa to you watch and say, 

'Times up!' "
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 A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.  

It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

  "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" 

 "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

  The taxi driver turns around and says, 

"Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth?  

They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." 

 The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, 

"Is that true Mom?"  His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers
 "Yes."  After a few minutes the kid asks, 

"Mom, if those women have babies,
 what happens to them?"  

She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
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 An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor
 that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch
 of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.  She did this religiously and
 lived to the age of 103. 

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 

21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and

 a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
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