Kalil Gibran says..
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you and not from you.
And though they are with you,they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts...they have come for their own sweet purpose.
Children are individual souls who have come to experience life through us.
We need to facilitate them and enhance their journey..that alone is our role..and certainly not to control or own them.
So What is parenting today?
How should we go about it?
I am a mother of 2 kids...my son aged 24 and my daughter aged 16 years and I feel that I have pretty decent experience as a parent to share my thoughts on Parenting..
Let's follow some basic principles and it works like magic..both for you and for your child.
1.Respect the soul of your child:They have their own dignity and do not affect it for sake of more eating,doing more homework,combing hair properly...give them feedback very gently and do not treat them roughly..I know it's easily said..but trust me,it's doable.and has to be done.
2.Teach them to make decisions and to live by the consequences they get out of the decisions they make.How to weigh the pros and cons.
How to choose.How to take responsibility in what they choose and decide.Make them think.Dont think for them.
Allow your children to make wrong decisions today..so that they learn now itself how to think and plan.
3.Do not compare your children with their siblings or others.Comparison/anger/ shouting and hitting will not take you or your child anywhere in life.It will only spoil the relationship.
Nothing is achieved through fear.temporarily it might look like victory but in the long run,it's the most damaging.
Instead build strong communication and learn to speak about all matters to the children and discuss & guide them with an open,friendly mindset.
That also eases the energy at home as well as helps us build strong deep bond with the children.
4.Right languaging to the children.
Parenting is not saying 'no' all the time.
Reason & logic & heart has to be applied and said yes or no.
Learn to say yes to all small things in life..like...ordering pizza..choosing which movie to watch..what clothes to wear..
Only then your NO will hav value and impact.
All we say becomes our reality..hence watch what you say to your children.
As parents,let's bless them always and say all wonderful things to happen to them.
5.Live & Show: We have to inculcate values and morals as an ongoing process by living & showing.They learn & imitate their parents.Hence we need to be their living role models than jus advising all the time.
6.Encourage them in their interest areas.Academics alone is not everything.Help them develop in a holistic way.Today everything has scope of huge growth.Every area has great future.
Identify their interest and passion and help them excel in that area.Help them go behind their dreams and preferences.
When you thrust your thoughts into them forcibly,it's going to eject out and make them very sad,depressed and not the best in their life.Wud u like that ???
It's going to make you very unhappy too.
Have the courage to face facts about your child and help them pursue what suits them in a happy way.
Learn to accept your child with their strength & weakness.And build from there on.
For every rule I am giving u today,I have broken each one of them..but I learnt..I figured out..picked up my pieces and becoming a better parent day by day becos I know parenting is work in progress.Lets become aware about all we discussed now and mend our ways to happy parenting and happy growing up for our children.
Happiness is key to life,..more than being right and more than being a strict and an obsessed parent.
Create a happy Home...the rest will naturally follow.