Friday, 10 March 2017

[ ::: ♥Keep_Mailing♥ ::: ]™ SARDARJI - HUMOUR

One Singh was enjoying sun at beach in America. 

A lady came and asked him 

"Are you relaxing?" Singh answered 

"No, I am Banta Singh".

Another guy came and asked him same question. 

Singh answered "No No Me Banta Singh".

A third one came and asked him the same question again.

 Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. 

He went to him and asked 

"Are you relaxing?". 

The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, 

"Yes I am relaxing." 

The Singh slapped him on his face and said 

"Stupid, idiot. 

Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!"




A Singh died and went to heaven.

When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him

 that new rules were in effect due to the advances in

 education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective

 heavenly soul must answer two questions: 

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...

1.. Two days of the week those begin with

 "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, 

"OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer even though

 it's not the answer I expected, but how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"  

The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc..."

Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.




Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching

 up and down all around his living room.

Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"

Santa: "Hidden cameras!"

Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"

Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what

 I am doing. Every few minutes he keeps saying 

'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"




Three men (hindu, muslim and singh) were stranded on an

 uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim

 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited. 

The Muslim was so determined to get home that he tried to

 swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned.

Then the Hindu tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and

 he too drowned. The Singh thought he could make it all the way,

 so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started 

getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island. 




Two Singh (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.

 They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed 

"The runway is ending!". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back

 up in the air. They made a big turn and start descending again.

 The moment they touch the ground, the pilot screams again 

"Get the plane up, the runaway is ending!" The second pilot 

swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. 

They made a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again.

 During their fourth descent the pilot says:

 "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge, 

expensive airport but with such a short runaway." 

"I know" answers the second pilot, 

"But look how wide they made it." 





Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees

 and started thanking God. A surprised passerby saw him and asked,

 "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" 

The Singh replied 

"I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding 

the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."




Once a Singh was traveling in a train. 

He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him

 on the train Rs 20 to wake him up when the station arrived.

 This guy was a barber, and he felt that for Rs 20, 

the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Singh fell asleep,

 the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived,

 the Singh was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home,

 he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when

 he saw himself in the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?"  

He replied "The cheat on the train has taken my 

Rs 20 and woken up someone else".




Once there was a train, which was going peacefully 

on the rail-tracks. Suddenly the train deviated from the tracks,

 went into the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. 

The passengers were horrified. At the next railway station the 

driver was arrested. He was found to be a Singh. 

He was questioned. He explained that there was a man 

standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there 

even after blowing the horn, flashing the lights etc. 

The authorities questioned : Mr. Singh are you mad! 

Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so

 many passengers in danger.

You should have run that person over. Singh said : 

That is exactly what I had decided, but this idiot started

 running towards the field when the train got real close. 




Two Singh went into a pub and after ordering two beers 

took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat.

"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," 

complained the pub-owner. 

So the two sardars swapped their sandwiches.




Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. 

His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied 

"Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, 

I thought, thought, thought and at last I wrote THUNK!!!"




Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. 

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the

 question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration 

takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.

 He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. 

His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. 

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

 "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says,

 " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'.




Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. 

One of them was crying like hell. So the other asked,

 "Why are you crying?"

The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"

Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ?"

First one replied, " No, not that.

 During the blood test they cut my finger" 

Hearing this the second one started crying.

The first one was astonished and asked other,

 "Why are you crying?"

The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."




A Singh goes to a hotel and eats heartily. 

After eating he goes to wash his hands but

 starts washing the basin instead.

The manager comes running and asks him,

 "Mr. Singh, what are you doing?"  

To this the man replies,"Oye, see the board here, 

"Wash Basin"

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