I have an extremely bad temper and often my family and friends are the receiving end and this has caused many unpleasant instances for me and my loved ones. How can I gain control of myself? Are there any supplications that will help me? I do make an effort to make wudū or make dhikr on the few occasions when I remember.
Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh
Thank you for your question.
Your concern for anger management and related matters is admirable. May Allāh bless us all with calmness, gentleness and good character.
The Prophet Muḥammad (peace be upon him) instructed the one in anger to recite ta'awwudh (A'ūdhū billāhi min al shayṭāni al rajīm – I seek refuge in Allāh from the rejected devil).
Salmān bin Ṣard (may Allāh be pleased with him) said, "I was seated with the Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) while two men were using coarse language at each other. The face of one of them had gone red while his jugular veins swelled. The Messenger of Allāh (peace and blessings upon him) said, 'I know of a statement if he is to say it, that [rage] which he is experiencing would go away. If only he would say "A'ūdhū billāhi min al shayṭāni al rajīm'" (Sunan Abī Dawūd and Tirmidhī)
Some additional recommendations are listed below:
• Make wudhū (ablution) [See: Musnad Aḥmad].
• Make supplication to Allāh to protect you from the harms of anger and rage.
• Make the dhikr (remembrance) of Allāh.
• Move away from what angers you.
• Be indifferent to those who seek to make you angry.
• Busy yourself with something creative so that you are not occupied with that which is triggering your anger.
• Realize that this will be over sooner or later.
• Move on. Do not let things you cannot change keep haunting you.
• Be moderate and balanced in the things you do (schedule, work, diet, sleep downtime etc.)
• Eat healthy and exercise regularly.
• Improve your problem solving and communication.
• Accept your mistakes and be honest to yourself.
• Learn to forgive and forget.
• Take anger management classes by professional counselors and follow through.
May Allāh facilitate success.
And Allah knows best.
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Badat
Hadith of the Day Imam
Imam of the Islamic Foundation of Toronto and Director of Mathabah Institute
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