[ ::: ♥Keep_Mailing♥ ::: ]™ Fwd: Groan!!

Old ones but still get a laugh.

 

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite ... all he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.   I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill ... apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.    After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.  That's when he realised he had made it home safely.      My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house.  Turns out she was a Slo-vak.     Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window.  If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.      I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.  To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.      After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.    Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.     A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .   Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roché...    Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots . . . . Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.      IT'S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY"   And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!    Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.   Both in hospital . .. . one's in a korma . . . the other's got a dodgy tikka!    Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle-aged couple from Weymouth .    An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan !  He is making Land Mines that look like prayer mats!  It's doing well!  Prophets are going through the roof!!      Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut!!!