| Two decades ago, when the bullies at our high school called her a nerd for being a virgin and a straight-A student, my best friend Sara smiled and confidently said, "Thank you. I'm really proud of it." She honestly was. What those bullies said never bothered her one bit. And this is just one tiny example of Sara's incredible self-confidence.
I was reminded of Sara this morning when I received an email from a blog subscriber named Lane who is struggling with a similar bullying issue at a small community college where he's taking classes. After describing his predicament in detail, he ended his email with this:
"I love your book and blog. Both have helped me get through a very low point in my life. But even though I've made progress, I often struggle with my self-confidence. These bullies really get the best of me. And I know my shattered confidence is motivating me to do what confident people don't do. So what I need now more than ever is to learn how to follow in a confident person's footsteps, in all walks of life."
Therefore, in an effort to help Lane walk in Sara's footsteps, here are some things highly confident people don't do:
1. They don't allow themselves to get caught up in drama. – Some people love to stir up controversy and drama for no apparent reason. Don't buy in to their propaganda. Stay out of other people's drama and don't needlessly create your own. Instead, imagine what would happen if you spent this entire day, and every day hereafter, with all your energy directed toward your most positive possibilities. Rather than being annoyed, be amused. Instead of getting angry, become curious. In place of envy, feel admiration. Life is too short to argue and fight and be negative in any way. Count your blessings, value the people who matter and move on from the drama with your head held high. ( from the "Happiness" chapter of our book)
2. They don't find joy in people-pleasing. – Highly confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet. They are aware that not all people agree on things, and that's just how life works. They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them. So never let the opinions of the masses define who you are or what you can or cannot do. When you let go of the need to impress everyone, that's when you begin to be truly impressive to the few people who actually matter. When you earn the trust and respect of these select few people, no matter where you go or what you try, you will do it with confidence – because you know the people who matter are behind you.
3. They don't insult and antagonize other people. – Generally speaking, the people who love to gossip, who speak negatively of others, do so because they hope, by comparison, to make themselves look better. Of course, that's not how it works. Because when you have no respect or consideration for others, it's impossible to have any true confidence in yourself. The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.
4. They don't make excuses. – Have a plan that's bigger than your excuses. There is so very much to touch, to do, to create, and to experience. Highly confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions. They don't blame the traffic for being tardy at work – they know THEY were late. They don't excuse their short-comings with excuses like "I don't have time" or "I'm just not good enough" – they make the time and they keep on improving until they see results. Even a tiny effort is infinitely more productive than a big, impressive excuse. So stop seeing every obstacle as an excuse and start seeing those obstacles as forming a pathway to your goal. ( from the "Adversity" chapter of our book)
5. They don't always pretend or need to be right. – Highly confident people take a stand not because they think they're always right, but because they're not scared to be wrong. Cocky, conceited people tend to take a position and then preach, argue, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They "know" they're right (even when they're wrong) and they want (actually, they need) you to know it, too. Their behavior isn't a sign of confidence, though; it's the trademark of a bully. Truly confident people don't mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they're wrong, they're secure enough to back down graciously and appreciate the lesson learned.
6. They don't let success get to their head or failure get to their heart. – If success makes you arrogant, you haven't really succeeded. If failure makes you determined, you haven't really failed. Period. Think about success and failure differently. Don't take everything that goes wrong personally, and don't get a big head when everything goes right either. Be a humble, life-long learner. Create, enjoy, learn, love, experience, succeed, fail, persevere, make mistakes, make progress, take risks, and find the treasure in each day. ( from the "Goals and Success" chapter of our book)
And of course, if you're struggling with any of these points, know that you are not alone. We are all in this together. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives on track. This is precisely why Marc and I wrote our book, "1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently." The book is filled with short, concise tips on how to do just that. And believe it or not, Marc and I are always re-visiting and re-reading our own material, just to center our minds on these positive principles. If you're interested in following along with us and making positive changes in your life this summer, or if you simply want to read (or listen) our book at your leisure, I'm going to extend an unbeatable bonus offer to you for the next 24 hours (offer ends this Thursday morning):
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