This is funny, but unfortunately, there is much truth to this.
CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon's Pizza last month.
CALLER:
CALLER:
OK.
..well, I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called
you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage,
pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:
CALLER:
OK! That's what I want
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula,
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:
CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!.
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
CALLER:
How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical
records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last seven years.
CALLER:
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take
medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication
regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30
cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, four months ago.
CALLER:
CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
That doesn't show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER:
CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn't show on your last tax return unless you bought
GOOGLE: That doesn't show on your last tax return unless you bought
them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER:
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!!!
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry you're upset sir, but we use such information only with the sole intention
of helping you.
CALLER:
CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter,
WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet,
cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me
or spy on me.
GOOGLE:
GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It
expired six weeks ago.
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