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Lowering Expectations Is Key To Happiness. Even If You Find The Best Thing, It Won't Seem So Good Once You Get Used To It You go to a department store to buy toothpaste. The shelves have about two dozen different types of paste. Each one is attractively packaged to catch your attention and claims to be the best for removing stains, protecting the enamel and strengthening your gums. Your mind is boggled even before you start comparing weight, price and discounts. The simple task of buying a toothpaste has become complicated. It makes you wonder whether having too much choice is a good thing. Psychologist Barry Schwartz, who wrote the book 'The Paradox of Choice', says, "We should take every opportunity to enhance choice, but it's not without limit. When you go from having no choice to some choice, your life is better. But when you go from having some choice to essentially infinite choice, weird things start to happen." Just a few decades ago, all manmade things were scarce. So, plenty and variety were regarded as good. But though we have a superabundance of things now, we still believe that we will be better off with even more choice. Somehow, a choice is equated with freedom, autonomy, and control over our lives, says Schwartz. As the toothpaste example shows, "Instead of being liberated by all this choice, you get paralyzed… You make worse decisions, and even when you make good decisions, you're less satisfied." Having too much choice not only confuses but also nudges you to do what you normally do. For instance, faced with two dozen types of toothpaste, you might just decide to buy your regular brand. This happens when choice overwhelms you and hinders the brain's intuitive approach. You are forced to switch into the slower, more deliberate mode of decision-making, for instance, when you start picking up each toothpaste box and reading the ingredients and other details. But because this demands effort, you are more likely to rely on habit instead of making a fresh choice. "If we didn't do that we'd spend our whole lives at the grocery," says Schwartz, adding, "That suggests the decision domain becomes so overwhelming that you just shut down all your analytical tools." The same paralyzing plethora of options is now available for relationships as well, and it's creating "enormous difficulties". When people try to find romantic partners through apps, they don't know when to stop scrolling, always thinking the next option will be better. Schwartz, therefore, recommends that we dial down our expectations. Instead of desiring the best, we should stop when we find what's good enough. "When you read consumer reports telling you that there are 200 washing machines, and all but three of them are fine, you don't need to pick the best of the 197 remaining fine washing machines. Just pick one." It's the key to happiness, Schwartz says. For example, if there are 100 types of toothpaste — each one slightly different from the rest — you might think that one of them is perfect for you. And then, when you evaluate it, you will ask yourself if it comes up to your expectations. However, because you started with an expectation of perfection, you are unlikely to be satisfied. "The world of unlimited choice has generated ridiculously, unrealistically high expectations, and the result is that we're almost always disappointed." What if you had only two types of paste to choose from? You would not expect either to be perfect in that case, and you would be more likely to feel satisfied with the product. Managing your expectations is very important for happiness, says Schwartz. If you drink ordinary instant coffee every day, an occasional artisanal cup will feel divine, but if you get used to fine coffee, you will need to scout around for a better cup when you are in a mood to treat yourself. "So, I deliberately drink 'good wine' infrequently, and in that way continue to appreciate how good it is." For more: Heleo WHICH ONE'S BETTER? The world of unlimited choice generates ridiculously high expectations, so we are almost always disappointed |
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