Re: [ ::: ♥Keep_Mailing♥ ::: ]™ ONLY IF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR

2016-11-03 23:35 GMT+08:00 Mohamed Jaffer <mjkassam@gmail.com>:

.

Catholic Dog.
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a 

pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to

 the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' please

 be saying a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 

'I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. 

But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' 

what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. 

Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to

 them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 

'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

*****************************

Donation

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 

The voice says 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the Taxation Department. Can you help us?'
'I'll try!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will !'
-------------------------------------------------

Senility
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 

'Doc, I think I am getting senile. Several times lately, 

I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 

'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
-------------------------------------------------

Marriage Humour
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing . . . ? 

You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband:

 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
-------------------------------------------------

Wife: 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your 

worries and troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't 

have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well. that's because we aren't married yet.'
-------------------------------------------------
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning,

 he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mum: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on Daddy's lap.'
-------------------------------------------------

A newly married man asked his wife, 

'Would you have married me if my father 

hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, 

NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
-------------------------------------------------

A wife asked her husband: 

'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:

 'I like your sense of humour!'
-------------------------------------------------
Husbands are husbands.
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife 

hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied, 'That was for the piece of paper 

with the name Betty on it that I found in your trouser pocket."
The man then said 

'When I was at the races last week, Betty was the name of the horse I bet on.'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his

 wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, 

knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
Wife replied, 'Your horse phoned!'
-------------------------------------------------
Let us pray......................
Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk
_____________________________

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