During the past year, I have tried to make love to you, 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once, every ten days.
The following is a list, of why I did not succeed, more often:-
54 times, the bedsheets were clean .
17 times, it was too late.
49 times, you were too tired.
20 times, it was too hot.
15 times, you pretended to be asleep.
22 times, you had a headache.
17 times, you were afraid, of waking our baby.
16 times, you said you were too sore.
12 times, it was the wrong time of the month.
19 times, you had to get up early.
9 times, you said weren't in the mood.
7 times, you were sunburned.
6 times, you were watching the late show.
5 times, you didn't want to mess up, your new hairdo.
3 times, you said the neighbors would hear us.
9 times, you said your mother would hear us.
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory, because:-
6 times, you just laid there.
8 times, you reminded me, that there is a crack in the ceiling.
4 times, you told me to hurry up, and get it over with.
7 times, I had to wake you up and tell you, that I had already finished.
1 time, I was afraid I had hurt you, because I felt you move.
KEEP READING.......
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things, a little confused. Here are the real reasons why, you didn't get more, than you did:
5 times, you came home drunk, and tried to screw the cat.
36 times, you did not come home at all.
21 times, you didn't cum.
33 times, you came too soon.
19 times, you went soft, before you got it in.
38 times, you worked too late.
10 times, you got cramps, in your toes.
29 times, you had to get up early, to play golf.
2 times, you had been in a fight, and someone had kicked you, in your balls.
4 times, you got it stuck, in your zipper.
3 times, you had a cold, and your nose was running.
2 times, you had a splinter, in your finger.
20 times, you lost the notion, after thinking about it all day.
6 times, you came in your pyjamas, while reading a Playboy magazine.
98 times, you were too busy, watching soccer matches on TV.
Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still, was because you missed, and were screwing the bedsheets?!
I wasn't talking about, the crack in the ceiling. In fact what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back, or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move, was because you farted such a foul fart, and I was struggling to breathe?!
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